


Save Me From Myself

by HK44



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Caring, Ficlet, Friendship, Hiding, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Too Many Thoughts, author is self-projecting, but like lets be real we all are :P
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 16:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14752142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44
Summary: “And that’s bad for you, Mr. Mile-a-minute?” Rhodey questioned, his voice almost a tease.“My brain is on fire,” Tony exhaled and Rhodey’s face went slack, all the humor gone.





	Save Me From Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This would be when they were still in college and Tony was a young bab trying to live up to his legacy.
> 
> Written last night when I was having some bad thoughts. My mind races a thousand miles a minute and normally that's fine but sometimes it can be like a fire and hurts more than it's okay so this was just an expulsion to focus on something other than the pounding.

Crouched down, he buried himself in his arms. “Stop it,” he hissed. “Stop thinking so much. Stop.  _Stop_.”

But it wouldn’t. The thoughts kept coming. Everything was so fast. So much. Too much. Too many. It overwhelmed him, drowned him in their feelings. Sorrow. Sorrow. Too much sorrow. Too much screaming.

It echoed.

It echoed inside of him and he felt too hollow and cracked out from the inside. And yet too full. Too full of screaming. Too full of misery. The brokenness that ached in his chest and buried itself in his brain like a massive fire.

“Tony?”

He jerked. Through the slats of the closet window, he just about make out Rhodey’s form.

“Tony?” Rhodey repeated. The squeal of his shoes twisted against the floor, a devastating noise. “I know you’re in here. Harris said you haven’t left in three days.”

Tony ignored that, pushing himself as far back as he could strain himself. This is why he stayed in his own workshop. Where no one could bother him or tell him to eat, save his mother but she hadn’t been home in days.

In months.

No one saw him suffer anymore.

“Tony, I swear to God,” Rhodey grumbled. Cabinets squeaked as they were pulled open from across the room. None of it masked the constant bashing in Tony’s head. “I don’t know why you’re hiding from me.”

He curled deeper into himself, wondering if he could mold himself to hide in here forever. Become one with the wood.

Inside him brewed a constant storm of yelling. Everything was so loud. The squeal of Rhodey’s shoes grew closer and Tony twitched at every step. How was a man so quiet so loud?

It was too much. He pressed his fists against his head, shaking.  _Don’t cry, don’t cry, you fuck, don’t cry_ , he thought with solid desperation as the cabinet beside him squeaked open.

The echoed caked inside his mind. It pained him, painting red all over his vision in a haze of shaking tremors. He bit his wrist and screamed shallowly, trying to muffle it, keep himself quiet.

But it was all so  _loud_.

Rhodey paused. “Tony?” The cabinet snapped shut and the door of the closet Tony had wedged himself into yanked open. Rhodey crouched and stared at him with worried eyes. “Hey.”

His voice was too soft, too gentle. It snapped at Tony like a broken record and he shivered. His wrist fell from his mouth. “Hey,” he said and his voice was too rough, too hard.

Rhodey frowned. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Leveling his eyes at him, Rhodey sat down and leaned against the open door. “So you’re hiding in a paint closet for nothing?”

Tony’s eye fluttered. The left one. Because that was the one that fucked up when everything was too fast. The right one swelled up when he was sad, got worse faster when it was wet outside or allergies flared. The left one fluttered when he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk, couldn’t figure out how to rationalize everything pounding itself alive in his head into words that people knew, people understood.

Maybe because it remembered how his father favoured it in his worse days.

“I-” He swallowed around the sound. “I-” He shook his head. “I can’t- I can’t  _think_.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s-” Tony shuddered and gestured around. “It’s  _loud_. Everything is so  _loud_. So much. Too many. It’s always happening. Nothing slows down.”

“And that’s bad for you, Mr. Mile-a-minute?” Rhodey questioned, his voice almost a tease.

“My brain is on fire,” Tony exhaled and Rhodey’s face went slack, all the humor gone.

He slid closer. “Define it.”

“Explosive?” Tony tested. “Breaking down. I just- I need- Nothing  _stops_. Everything is going and I can keep up, I can keep up, I can- It just- I need- I need, I, I-”

“Time?” Rhodey offered.

Tony opened his mouth and a weak noise cracked through, an affirmative. He couldn’t make the words work. Everything was jamming up in his head, like a clog. He pressed his hands over his temples and shivered.

Time. He needed time. Wanted time. Not for his things. Everything was done. Everything was done. But he needed time. He needed a break. Needed a breath. Needed to remember how to exist again and how could he do that when he couldn’t think?

“I don’t feel-” He bit his lip and looked up at the dusty underside of the closet shelf. “My mind is erratic  _anyway_. I just- I can’t- I can’t focus.”

“You can’t focus?” Rhodey said. “Okay.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cracked pen. “Fix this for me and I’ll pay you zero dollars.”

Tony squinted at him then snatched the pen. He dug into his own pocket and pulled out a flimsy roll of tape he would’ve forgotten until he chucked his pants in the laundry. He wrapped it around the pen, snapped it off with his teeth and handed it back to Rhodey.

Rhodey looked it over then threw it in the trash. “Out of ink,” he said to Tony’s horrified face. “Anyway, how do you feel now?”

“I don’t-” Tony stopped, going still. Not cured, not better, but quieter. He sank into the ground. “Not amazing.”

“Not amazing is better than brain on fire though,” Rhodey pointed out. “Right?” Tony nodded and Rhodey grinned. “You wanna come out now or should I go get pillows?”

“I-” He leaned forward and let Rhodey pull him into his chest. “I just- I want to-”

“Tony.” Tony glanced up at him. “Stop thinking. Just answer.”

He closed his eyes and buried his face in Rhodey’s shoulder. “I want work.”

“Cool beans.” Rhodey dragged him up to a stand. “I have a biology report due tomorrow. Do my outline.”

Tony moaned but wrapped his arms around Rhodey’s waist and let him drag him away. And every step Rhodey took, it was like the weight of everything was shedding off his mind, layer by layer by layer. The fire was dimming. It was still there. He doubted it was ever going to go away but Rhodey had a strange way of pulling Tony out of the waters when he was drowning in overwhelming silence and rescuing him from the flames too.

There was nothing he couldn’t do.

Tony sighed into the warmth of Rhodey’s side. “Rhodey?”

“Mmm?”

“Thank you.”

Rhodey sighed and ruffled Tony’s hair, eyes warm for all that they were concerned. “No problem, dope.”

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you think! I don't normally write Marvel fanfic (aside from like DD fics written a bajillion years ago) so I'm curious to know how I did~
> 
> [Tumblr](http://happyk44.tumblr.com/post/174229664137/crouched-down-he-buried-himself-in-his) || [Other links](http://linktr.ee/hk44_art)


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